So I have failed to get my haircut
I made a commitment to improve my personal appearance. I have managed to barely keep up with and improve my previous rhythm of shaving my beard and keeping on top of my laundry (so I can choose my clothing rather than pick what's left). I seem to have failed to reach the last goal of increasing the frequency of my haircuts.
I am not terribly disappointed in myself, because I did improve in the areas I mentioned and I really do have a terrible schedule to deal with and I don't get enough sleep as it is now. Why be hard on myself for not adding more to my busy days? Anyway, My dad and I worked on a project to add legs to my desk. This project has been on the list to do for many months, maybe multiple years now. It was really nice for us to finally get united in doing it together, and while managing my appearance has help this to happen, it probably would have hindered it if I was out getting a haircut this week instead. I guess I have to get a hair cut next Tuesday?
Also, my latest post in my classes discussion group was my response to another's comments on making a decision as we relate ourselves to the Ophelia syndrome:
<classmate-name>, I have a little different experience when it comes to decision making. I am a stubborn person, partly because I have chosen to be, but partly because I just don't like to submit my will to others. I was neglected most of my pre-adult years and I quietly resented that, but I also resented when people would try to take command over me or presume they could make decisions for me (and implicitly receive the honor or credit for doing so). So many years of boiling anger turned into one kind of fuel for my own special brand of insanity or chaos. My mind is, and has been for years, filled with impulsive, reckless, volatile, intense chaos wrapped in focused repression, idealism, and pure, unimpeded logic. About a year or more ago, I was possibly the nearest real embodiment of a Vulcan (see Star Trek) to exist in this world. Now I have refined my methods of mental discipline so that I do not have that chaos constantly suppressed and evident near the conscious surface of my mind, but the potential is still there, only requiring me to reach for it to be unleashed and to fill me with rage. If my calm steady state in life requires a little stimulant or haste, I can tap into that, renewing the struggle to suppress the chaos and restore it to order.
What this means relevant to your seeking to make a decision is that I approach a decision with intense focus and intent to do what I will, and with the logical, calm state of mind that is imposed by my own methods of mental discipline, I manage to be aware of what God tells me, whether it be wisdom, or whether it be, "yes, do that", or, "no". It is true that God answers in affirmative or negative responses when we ask a question in such a simple corresponding form, but I find that sometimes when we saints who are inspired by the make-a-decision-then-ask-God idea attempt it, we don't really make a decision. I find that too often, we are accustomed to double guessing or coasting through our life choices and when we try this awesome idea, asking for support, we aren't committed to our choice enough to fully appreciate the response. When we try to be hot or cold, we may have to remind ourselves to be 104 degrees Fahrenheit, or right at the limit of tolerant hot, or else 45 degrees, also known as cold enough to chill but not freeze.
I sometimes, in my stubbornness make wrong decisions, but I acknowledge them, do not praise them, and review what they are and where I stand before God. I find I have God's help and often his favor when I do this rather than, in my earlier years, when I left decisions too incomplete or didn't truly recognize where I went wrong. Hardening my will and my 'owning' myself is what has given me self assurance and stability, especially when similar, though corrupt, messages fill modern media and act as counterfeit self-help messages. If we can sense the truth at least once, we must walk it in spite of competing notions and with our own will; we cannot get to the other side of a decided path, right or wrong, if we do not fully decide that it is our elected course.
Note: This last line is not the same as the evil rationalization that if we sin a little we may as well sin a lot, but is rather the kind of commitment that helps us accept the undesirable consequences that come with a decision with humility and some degree of grace, [even recognizing the justice of God and the natural order that the world conforms to].
For this Pathway Experience blog, I added the bracketed line, to explain what it is that happens naturally for a saint when one achieves this state.
I am not terribly disappointed in myself, because I did improve in the areas I mentioned and I really do have a terrible schedule to deal with and I don't get enough sleep as it is now. Why be hard on myself for not adding more to my busy days? Anyway, My dad and I worked on a project to add legs to my desk. This project has been on the list to do for many months, maybe multiple years now. It was really nice for us to finally get united in doing it together, and while managing my appearance has help this to happen, it probably would have hindered it if I was out getting a haircut this week instead. I guess I have to get a hair cut next Tuesday?
Also, my latest post in my classes discussion group was my response to another's comments on making a decision as we relate ourselves to the Ophelia syndrome:
<classmate-name>, I have a little different experience when it comes to decision making. I am a stubborn person, partly because I have chosen to be, but partly because I just don't like to submit my will to others. I was neglected most of my pre-adult years and I quietly resented that, but I also resented when people would try to take command over me or presume they could make decisions for me (and implicitly receive the honor or credit for doing so). So many years of boiling anger turned into one kind of fuel for my own special brand of insanity or chaos. My mind is, and has been for years, filled with impulsive, reckless, volatile, intense chaos wrapped in focused repression, idealism, and pure, unimpeded logic. About a year or more ago, I was possibly the nearest real embodiment of a Vulcan (see Star Trek) to exist in this world. Now I have refined my methods of mental discipline so that I do not have that chaos constantly suppressed and evident near the conscious surface of my mind, but the potential is still there, only requiring me to reach for it to be unleashed and to fill me with rage. If my calm steady state in life requires a little stimulant or haste, I can tap into that, renewing the struggle to suppress the chaos and restore it to order.
What this means relevant to your seeking to make a decision is that I approach a decision with intense focus and intent to do what I will, and with the logical, calm state of mind that is imposed by my own methods of mental discipline, I manage to be aware of what God tells me, whether it be wisdom, or whether it be, "yes, do that", or, "no". It is true that God answers in affirmative or negative responses when we ask a question in such a simple corresponding form, but I find that sometimes when we saints who are inspired by the make-a-decision-then-ask-God idea attempt it, we don't really make a decision. I find that too often, we are accustomed to double guessing or coasting through our life choices and when we try this awesome idea, asking for support, we aren't committed to our choice enough to fully appreciate the response. When we try to be hot or cold, we may have to remind ourselves to be 104 degrees Fahrenheit, or right at the limit of tolerant hot, or else 45 degrees, also known as cold enough to chill but not freeze.
I sometimes, in my stubbornness make wrong decisions, but I acknowledge them, do not praise them, and review what they are and where I stand before God. I find I have God's help and often his favor when I do this rather than, in my earlier years, when I left decisions too incomplete or didn't truly recognize where I went wrong. Hardening my will and my 'owning' myself is what has given me self assurance and stability, especially when similar, though corrupt, messages fill modern media and act as counterfeit self-help messages. If we can sense the truth at least once, we must walk it in spite of competing notions and with our own will; we cannot get to the other side of a decided path, right or wrong, if we do not fully decide that it is our elected course.
Note: This last line is not the same as the evil rationalization that if we sin a little we may as well sin a lot, but is rather the kind of commitment that helps us accept the undesirable consequences that come with a decision with humility and some degree of grace, [even recognizing the justice of God and the natural order that the world conforms to].
For this Pathway Experience blog, I added the bracketed line, to explain what it is that happens naturally for a saint when one achieves this state.
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